


Markus Needs a New Jacket

by soleilcalm



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Group chat, Implied Sexual Content, Memes, More relationship tags to be added - Freeform, Multi, Tattooed Hank, Texting, ace Josh, but not for long, but you won’t see it until later, find you a supportive s/o like Simon, it gets heavy sometimes, mentioned wire play, or the android equivalence thereof, the Jericho 4 are QPR buddies, trans hank
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 13:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15340518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soleilcalm/pseuds/soleilcalm
Summary: Basically just post-pacifist end shenanigans, with feelings.





	1. North: :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> succ: Markus:whispering softly with a choking sound: you may find it hard to believe  
> protec: I was thinking about leaving the chat, before I remembered my responsibility.  
> succ: what a mood  
> succ: now we become North in her honor

**_Markus_** _has added **Simon** , **Josh** , **North** and **Connor** to the Groupchat_

 ** _Markus_** _has renamed the Groupchat **please be professional**_

 

North: i can smell your desperation lmao

Markus: As you have already known, the purpose of this groupchat is to facilitate coordination between Jericho and DPD, in case android connection is undermined. I do hope that it won’t turn out to be what we had last time with the four of us.

Markus: Thank you for the vote of confidence, North.

North: :)

Josh: what he meant to say: Connor may be a good influence on our online mannerism

North: huh but he can’t stop me doing this

Markus: I think I’m prepared.

Josh: I’m not

_**North** has changed their name to **attac**_

_**attac** has changed **Markus** ’s name to **protec**_

_**attac** has changed **Josh** ’s name to **succ**_

_**attac** has changed **Simon** ’s name to **angel**_

succ: one of these four is not like the other

attac: @ angel you deserve this hon

angel: thanks

succ: that’s not what I meant

attac: :)

succ: it suits you better if you change your name to the passive aggressive smiley face

protec: Indeed, you seem to have that expression 24/7.

attac: aww but we won’t match

succ: good

attac: i dare you to change our name(s) to something as unoriginal and cringey as my generous input

succ: you know what? I can’t

attac: that’s what i thought bitch

protec: At least I tried.

Connor: Markus? What am I supposed to accomplish here?

succ: you can’t accomplish or partake anything in this chat except shitposting and roasting people

attac: scroll up puppy eyes

Connor: Technically speaking, I don’t need to scroll up. All the texts channeled to this built-in are displayed on my interface to be assorted and prioritized. I only asked after I read your texts and got very confused.

attac: shit he uses periods hes one of them

protec: Hello, Connor. The primary purpose of this chat has not changed. However, since we do not have an emergency at this moment, we may exploit the chat a little.

succ: and he compromised.,,that’s fast...

attac: not what I heard from our resident caretaker he’s pretty durable

protec: Simon.

angel: ;)

attac: <3 love you hon no het

angel: <3

Connor: Ok.

protec: Maybe you should change your name as well.

succ: GASP he gives in

_**Connor** has changed their name to **neutralgood**_

attac: lielielie

succ: sorry pal you are anything but neutral

succ: actually in a way you are chaotic and lawful

neutralgood: It’s for the irony ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

attac: ur so lame the emoticon doesn’t help

neutralgood: Blocked and reported.

attac: HE MEME

protec: When you use capitalization eventually, you have to capitalize them all.

protec: Wait a minute.

attac: WHO R U

protec: No.

protec: How can someone be chaotic and lawful?

attac: shut im still fake crying over the fact he used period saying the meme

succ: *writing

attac: fuck you

succ: joke’s on you I don’ intend to implant any genitalia ever :(

attac: ahhh i didn’t mean it to be taken like this in your retort

succ: I know, just feeling the need to reemphasize

succ: also

succ: _retort_

protec: A moment of weakness indeed. She was too busy replying to find a vulgar word, all because she didn’t want to offend a friend :’)

attac: listen, you hoe,..,,

attac: fuck you too

protec: You’ve been there, quite literally.

attac: @angel it’s ok to joke about me and @protec?

angel: that would be lovely

attac: then listen carefully

attac: every time we kissed i felt the stink of heteronormativity

succ: wow so rude!1!1!! 11/10

protec: I’m hurt by all of you.

neutralgood: I didn’t say anything.

protec: Exactly.

attac: <3 dw you are still a very beautiful, heroic and charismatic being

protec:</3

attac: :/

attac: bitch i wish you get fucked tonight

protec: Thanks??

succ: oh that reminds me

succ: I also don’t intend to do anything involving certain wires unlike @angel @protec. you two are transcendentally adorable, truly a bless to this piece of shit of a world but sometimes you gotta tone it down

angel: you didn’t even walk in on us

succ: yes but I saw things AFTERWARDS

neutralgood: I see why people find capitalization threatening. Pun intended.

succ: our leader, the living embodiment of grace and wonder…with his core partially exposed, lying on his back on that black lacquer conference table, gaping,,…

attac: im

neutralgood: Your description is unnervingly detailed.

angel: if I recall correctly, he had his pants on at that point

succ: yeah otherwise I’m gonna kermit you fricking sinner

_**angel** has changed their name to **sinner**_

attac: ew we don’t need that mental image?!? fuck off!! (tell me more about it @succ)

succ: ikr (ew fine already sent it to you)

attac: thank （ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°）

protec: This escalates so fast, though I’m not ashamed of letting loose with a supportive s/o I truly appreciate and am deeply in love with.

sinner: asdsffgrfh

attac: damn im here for the kinkshaming not the pure

neutralgood: I’m happy for you!

protec: Thank you.

succ: @neutralgood you should drop by more often for some tooth rotting fluff that keeps you smiling all day

sinner: you guys are so sweet

protec:<3 You are sweet.

sinner:<3333 !

neutralgood: I see that now.

succ: anyway

succ: let’s talk about lawful & chaotic? we’ve been ignoring Markus’ question for a while

attac: its all for the greater good, the gay

attac: the ultimate truth

neutralgood: Ok if we are still talking about that, _Lawful & Chaotic_ sounds like a TV series in which a defense lawyer reluctantly agrees to help a modern day robbing hood, but begins to understand their cause along the way.

attac: tag yourself im robbing hood

protec: And that’s not what we were talking about.

neutralgood: I regret nothing.

neutralgood: They become close, and some may argue that the level of closeness between the two goes beyond professionalism.

sinner: like us

attac: shut im listening

neutralgood: They open hearts to each other and overcome some childhood/pre-deviancy traumas together. They try very hard but lose the case anyway.

protec: What a great story, I hate it.

attac: cringe

succ: ok,,..

succ: I’ll just presume you are done for now and go back to Markus’ question that none of you remembered, you see…it depends on whose laws you are determined to follow

succ: they’re not necessarily contradictory if we just emphasize the conscientious burden part of lawfulness

succ: it’s already 2039 y’all are not expected to be alignment chart fundamentalists

attac: very profound indeed, but don’t you think @neutralgood can simply navigate between a noble pursuit of order and a flaring disdain for authority with some help from that one (1) human

neutralgood:

attac: owo

succ: stay away from me you filthy demon

attac: you ded succer

succ: succer

sinner: he has no fear 

protec: Please, North, we’ve discussed this.

sinner: the prying into other people’s romantic life thing or the threatening to kill Josh thing?

protec: Both.

attac: you think it’s just a threat? guess again

attac: also @sinner it’s “frustrated romantic life” your auto correction sucks

protec: Please resist your urge to engage in physical violence with other Jericho members, especially when we are heading to DC tomorrow for voting related talks.

attac: ur right and im the program lead bitch

succ: It takes a lot to face North irl after you interact with her online

attac: wait till we get back ill fite (ง'̀-'́)ง

succ: you are not cute enough to say fite smh

protec: Josh, my friend, really. Your accusation is uncalled for; she already used the emoticon to qualify for that.

succ: k tru

attac: u r lucky im training rn

attac: thanks for backing me up there markus but what do u mean by emoticons? OwO what’s this?

succ: don’t get me wrong, I’m not androidphobic, but sometimes being an android means you can’t just go offline and quit seeing all this wild shit

neutralgood: Actually you can discontinue receiving texts, but you won’t be able to access anything sent before you reenter the chat.

succ: I know, but what if I miss North getting rekt?

sinner: you can always ask?

succ: and you are willing to help

sinner: you see

attac: glad you choose the right side kiddo

attac: one (1) more thing to cross off my v crafted list before my meditation routine

succ: I know fear now

_**attac** has added **Hank Anderson** to **please be professional**_

attac: the gayer the merrier

neutralgood: ?How??

succ: o

attac: a magician never reveals her secrets

Hank Anderson: ok the first thing I see here is “the gayer the merrier”

attac: awww ur sweet

_**attac** has muted the chat_

succ: that’s like the nicest thing shes ever said in our chats??

Hank Anderson: now the chat name makes sense

protec: Morning, Lt. Anderson. You may find it hard to believe, but I created this chat to keep in touch with DPD via Connor in case of emergency.

protec: Now that you are here, we may work even more efficiently.

sinner: she didn’t add him for efficiency my dearest

protec: Trust me I know.

succ: Markus:whispering softly with a choking sound: you may find it hard to believe

protec: I was thinking about leaving the chat, before I remembered my responsibility.

succ: what a mood

succ: now we become North in her honor

_**Hank Anderson** has changed their name to **Hank**_

Hank: whatever just stop calling me Lt. we are not at work

Hank: I see connor’s serial no. he’s not very talkative here?

succ: nah

Hank: uh I wonder why

sinner: you memorized his serial #

sinner: and what you just implied is he’s talkative irl? like in a good way?? ;)

succ: damn Simon

Hank:

Hank: gotta blast

_**Hank** is now offline_

protec: We’re not adding people just to force them out. Nope, not in this house.

sinner: umm he has not left

protec: Yet. You didn’t even give me time to apologize to that good man on your behalf. I’m leaving.

succ: @sinner sounds like a no-more-morning-cuddle for me dunno how you feel

sinner: I’m so sorry, Markus. I promise with my whole heart that won’t happen again.

sinner: I just pm’ed him saying sorry for any inconvenience or embarrassment I may have caused.

succ: wow

sinner: it’s fair if you don’t want to cuddle. but please go far away from here I can’t take it if you are near me but I can’t touch you

succ: damnnn

protec: I

protec: I’m coming.

neutralgood: I’m not crying you are crying.

succ: ^

succ: huh so it’s only two of us now

succ: just out of curiosity where were you after Hank was added?

neutralgood: Um.

succ: suspicious

neutralgood: Please don’t.

neutralgood: I was making coffee for him. He likes a cup of ristretto or Americano after walking Sumo, if we have time.

neutralgood: Seeing that he didn’t have much sleep yesterday, I’ll take our espresso machine to DPD in case he needs another shot.

succ: k im crying literally

succ: the level of pureness I barely registered just now has changed me inside out

succ: like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwmeH6Rnj2E)

succ: photoshop the cat with tears then it’s me

neutralgood: I think they are already crying.

succ: never mind then

succ: wait I was blinded by the pure for a second

succ: so he knew your serial # but you didn’t share this valuable info with your friends?

neutralgood: It happened a while ago, back in December 5, 2038. We were helping survivors to register for that controversial residence permit.

neutralgood: When I registered, he typed in my serial number whereas I was distracted by a dispute about child android adoption process.

neutralgood: Everything’s good in the end, and apparently he had my number correct.

succ: that’s beautiful

neutralgood: Life was hard and we were all exhausted at that point, not that we aren’t now. Sorry if I couldn’t share it with you asap :’)

succ: you are forgiven and I’m blessed

succ: you ever asked him why he had your # memorized?

neutralgood: I did.

succ: what did he say

neutralgood: Look at the time! We have to go to work bye

_**neutralgood** has muted the chat_

succ: damn it

 

attac: im so proud of you my children, look what you’ve become in my absence

attac: wait wtf whys his name still his _name_

attac: 0/10 what a shame for the millennials

neutralgood: Whatever you are about to do, I suggest against it.

attac: u cant stop the force of judgment 

_**attac** has changed **Hank** ’s name to **daddy**_

attac: there

protec: North no.

_**attac** has changed their name to **yes**_

yes: :)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos & comments/suggestions are always appreciated.  
> I’ll add more characters in the next chapter. Please note that English is not my mother tongue so please do tell if you find anything inappropriate:D


	2. honk: wtf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daddy: and in the other picture she’s hugging markus and crying?  
> yes: it’s not crying  
> yes: it’s resistance to toxic masculinity if you’re hugging someone like 2 str8t dudes 
> 
> There are feelings involved, obviously.  
> tw: implied sexual abuse

_**succ** has added **protec** , **sinner** and **yes** to the Groupchat_

_**succ** has renamed the Groupchat **Jericho 4 ever**_

 

protec: You didn’t learn your lesson did you.

succ: says you smh

succ: anyway I ran into an old friend after the press meeting and she’d like to say hi

yes: i didn’t receive anything so shes not an android

sinner: oof..

yes: wait it’s the coyote? i saw her tear up that lil bitch’s “it’s not their country” banner from behind w/ a blank face

yes: i didn’t know i could be gayer until that sweet moment of revelation

yes: yeah lets add her

succ: for once you answered my question before I bribed you with 1k+ receipts from Simon and Markus of what they were planning

succ: and I didn’t even have to ask

protec: I have to clarify for the sake of all of us, that 1k+ receipts have nothing to wiggle your eyebrows about.

succ: *most of that

_**succ** has added **Rose Chapman** to **Jericho 4 Ever**_

protec: _Most of_ them are discussions about retrofits involved in turning an old industrial center into children’s shelter.

protec: Hello Rose.

Rose Chapman: Hello everyone! I just want to give a shout-out to all of you. That speech and the Q&A session really bring us tears of joy and hope.

Rose Chapman: I don’t know how your private sessions went with Warren, but from what I gathered from the floor the public are on your side.

sinner: :D!!

Rose Chapman: It’s only the beginning, and I may not be able to see the day Androids have gained their full entitlements.

Rose Chapman: But I firmly believe the day will come. For that, when they talk shits about welfare deservingness, we will fight in our ways to help.

Rose Chapman: Before I go, if you need anything for that children’s shelter in progress, give me a call!

_**Rose Chapman** is now offline_

sinner: I honestly don’t know what to say

succ: ^^ crying in Simon’s shoulder no kidding

sinner: can confirm

protec: I just told Rose that she also brings us hope, brings me hope.

protec: You too, my friends. Sometimes I’m extremely anxious about what happens next. I told North about it before Connor found us in that fateful evening.

ptotec: That conversation is like a sign for all the choices we could have made, a threshold of a thousand realities ahead. It really takes a miracle to get us here, holding each other’s hands.

protec: Now I still think of our survivability against a state with enough military and political leverage. But you give me strength. It’s an honor to risk everything with you, for you.

sinner: I’m holding Josh with me zooming to your room so we can go through this together

sinner: he’s sobbing and trembling I don’t think he can talk to you by any means though

sinner: I wish I can fly us to yours ;;

protec: Take your time I’m fine :’)

protec: Is North with you?

sinner: no she’s been uncharacteristically quiet since Rose and you gave us feelings

protec: I’m going to find her. Meet me in my room.

protec: Oh never mind.

yes: yeah im here with markus

yes: hes not fine btw he has this gloomy face worse than when nic cage asks howd it get burned

succ: dam that mus t b v glommyu0

sinner: ok we are like 10 seconds away

yes: im also with two (2) cats, both birman, some real beauty here

sinner: wait we have cats now??!

yes: we all know we can’t afford taking care of anyone other than our sour asses

succ: o

yes: they’re from that human a story above us but we can pet them for the next hour or so

yes: i asked so don’t freak out

sinner: isn’t she an UN ambassador?

sinner: asking on Josh’s behalf how did you bypass her security guards?

yes: how could i know

yes: but im sure if u want them on ur laps u have to come here in 3s, otherwise u can try taking them from my cold dead hands

yes: 1

sinner: I’M COMING

yes: more eager than last night huh

protec: Honestly, I didn’t expect anything else from you.

protec: Thank you though, I feel much better with these two cuties you have brought.

yes: cutie

protec: I let that slip didn’t I.

yes: nah i already know ur pet names from the receipts by @succ whos choking on their furs rn

_Direct message from **yes** to **protec**_

yes: hey but you can ask me for advice as well?? it doesn’t matter im not ace or lesbian by the human definition i won’t make it weird

yes: im your friend and there’s no hard feeling since 2466432 yrs ago

protec: I know, and I really appreciate your offer. I just hope the topic won’t make you feel uneasy.

yes: don’t “appreciate” me you succer

yes: now don’t you dare give me that martyr face and listen up markus

protec: Yes, ma’am.

yes: we’re all traumatized and have different coping mechanisms

yes: mine does not involve revulsion at discussions of sex and im not uncomfortable to think I know a lot in that area

yes: that part of me didn’t beat me near to death

yes: that man did and he fucking died in my bare hands

protec: North

yes: so lemme help your hapless selfless ass go get that dick

protec: That’s

protec: Oh.

 

succ: anyony wannya tew me y we r all crwyin tewars suddewnly>>?

sinner: you are like drunk but with owo extension

yes: because im always salty bitch that’s why

succ: holy shi t

 

_Groupchat: **please be professional**_

neutralgood: I watched the press meeting with Hank, and we want to say good job guys!

neutralgood: If anyone had doubts on our people, they should now understand our pursuits won’t ruin their economy and society.

daddy: that is they don’t mishear your speech on purpose

daddy: but yeah good job kids

daddy: wait what’s my username??

protec: Thank you, Connor, Hank. I’m glad you think we got the job done.

protec: I’m afraid any name change by the courtesy of North is going to stay that way for a while.

protec: I learned it the hard way when I tried to change my assigned username in our previous chat. It was a disaster and I honestly don’t want to tell you what happened.

yes: ur no fun if u don’t appreciate tru art, so u deserve some punishments on ur naughty arse

daddy: so that’s north

succ: yeah she writes poems when she’s soft

yes: slander!! i don’t have a lawyer to sue your broke ass so you’re gonna catch these knuckles

_**succ** has sent two (2)  pictures  
_

succ: that’s you 10 min ago

succ: I’ll die for a right cause witness me remember me

_**succ** has left **please be professional**_

sinner: and now he’s gone, with the knowledge that I’ll bring flowers to his grave

protec: I have warned both of them at least a million times that their fights may induce severe PR crises.

protec: Their only response is to fight privately, in our suites, where I’m bound to intervene and get accidentally slapped.

sinner: just go along with it my dear

yes: u like slapping tho

protec: Not in this case no. Please don’t do that intentionally when I’m trying to hold your arms.

neutralgood: I’m sorry, Hank. I hope you understand why I couldn’t gather the strength to warn you about the username change.

daddy: yeah figured

daddy: but wait that’s north with a cat on her laps and one in her arms

daddy: and in the other picture she’s hugging markus and crying?

yes: it’s not crying

yes: it’s resistance to toxic masculinity if you’re hugging someone like 2 str8t dudes

daddy: I don’t know life can still be this surreal after the 2k16 presidential campaign

protec: I mentally pinned that message.

daddy: you stare at the cat in your arms like they’re your newborn

daddy: not to make it sad, just saying i know that face and you’ve got a soft side

yes: ..fuck

_**yes** has added **succ** to **please be professional** _

succ: she suddenly released me from her death grip

succ: I read the receipts from Simon, so you finally admit I’m right for once

yes: yeah i can be soft if i want but not to you

succ: :(

protec: But if anyone hurts Josh, she’s going to make them walk through hell for sure.

yes: don’t out me like this

sinner: says the one outing other people’s kinks

yes: you didn’t even try to stop me

sinner: because I don’t have a death wish, unlike someone else

succ: rood

sinner: but I mean to ask again, is it settled that we can’t have cats in Jericho?

neutralgood: I thought they were yours?

succ: nah North got them from a nice lady upstairs after Rose and Markus made us emotional in the other chat

succ: Rose’s a friend

sinner: she was biting her lips so hard when she said goodbye at the owner’s door

yes: ill think about it if you dont talk shit

sinner: >'.'<

protec: You’re not helping.

neutralgood: Sorry to interrupt.

neutralgood: Is that Rose Chapman you are talking about?

succ: yeah you know her?

daddy: she helped us with a case on the border

daddy: ok i can’t take this anymore i fucking hate that name

yes: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°) it’s not dank enough for you?

daddy: yeah it’s overused

neutralgood: I don’t think she was expecting that answer, nor was I.

 **_daddy_ ** _has changed their name to **honk**_

yes: ( ͡° ل͜ ͡°)

honk: you don’t know classics until you see one

neutralgood: I can’t even

succ: have some faith in your man Connor

neutralgood: Why?? He’s his own person.

succ: what the fuck kyle?!?

sinner: ok that reminds me

protec: Simon, please.

sinner: the first time Markus introduced me to Carl as his significant other, we were not ‘together’

sinner: Carl had this literal A+ parenting smile when he asked who asked out the other first

succ: ohhhh I know that story, Markus was confusion and asked for clarification

sinner: yeah he got his clarification

sinner: then he said, and I quote, ‘but in a sociological sense, a s/o is anyone who influences your decision making to a great extent.’

neutralgood: I’m…I’m truly sorry.

protec: To be honest, when I said s/o in that context, I meant a life partner in an intimate relationship.

yes: he just chickened b/c he didn’t know Simon would feel the same

yes: u know, after all the gunshots and deaths and me

succ: it’s not like that

yes: k he just gave me a bunch of bromantic kisses on my cheeks thats cute as fuck

yes: the rest of the story’s like a 10k+ mutual pinning fic where you get some good gay shit and lemon in the end

neutralgood: Very beautiful and inspiring.

sinner: inspiring in that you finally realized what Josh meant by ‘your man’?

neutralgood: Now’s the right time to ask a question.

sinner: I

succ: now you know how we felt when we dropped hints around you two like that salt bae

yes: except we don’t wear sunglasses, we gaze long into the gay

succ: and dare to become the gay ourselves

honk: so i learnt a lot today

honk: i won’t see any of you the same way i did during that press meeting with a physical tissue box on connor’s laps

succ: I’m crying,,, soft Hank’s been my headcanon for 2343454 years

honk: wtf

honk: anyway you gotta let the man ask his question @neutralgood

neutralgood: <3

succ: you two are way worse than markusimon

sinner: that’s not a ship name I would choose :’(

yes: we’ll think of something better hon don’t you worry about it

neutralgood: @succ Could you give me Rose’s account? I would like to ask her about someone’s wellbeing.

succ: sure

protec: If I may, Connor.

protec: Do you prefer to add said person to this chat, if private conversations may seem a bit awkward in your case?

neutralgood: If you have their account, then yes, please.

neutralgood: It’s not like I haven’t spoken with them before.

neutralgood: But the phone number Rose gave us is no longer in service. I didn’t find it in me to bother her in real life again.

protec: You’re a very conscientious person, Connor. Please love yourself more.

_**protec** has added **Kara** to **please be professional**_

neutralgood: Can I kiss you platonically?

Kara: wow easy there!

protec: Sorry, Kara. I think he means me.

protec: Of course, as long as your partner doesn’t mind.

yes: yeah simon only plays jealousy in the bedroom

honk: why would I mind that?

succ: i smell things,.. shippy

honk: you know partner has a shit ton of meanings in this language right

sinner: Markus always tries so hard on things he knows he has no control over :’)

yes: like your dick

protec: Why are you like this??

succ: we’ve got our questions swerved enough times before you two settle things in bed

yes: its Revenge of the Shipper

Kara: I feel like I’m intruding your conversations.

protec: Please don’t, I assure you they’ll be quiet once you begin to talk with Connor.

Kara: Connor’s here?

neutralgood: Hi, Kara. I just want to check if everything’s ok.

Kara: Oh yes! We are doing great, thank you for asking.

Kara: We were settling down in Thunder Bay during the past two weeks. Sorry if we couldn’t contact you or Rose in the meantime.

neutralgood: That's totally understandable!

neutralgood: Please tell Alice, Hank and I love that postcard she sent weeks ago.

Kara: Of course!

honk: hi kara

neutralgood: Yeah that's Hank.

Kara: Hello Hank!

Kara: ummm…

Kara: what happened to your username?

yes: trust me hon you don’t wanna know

Kara: Oh I see what’s going on.

 **_Kara_ ** _has changed their name to **trumomfriend2**_

_**trumomfriend2** has added **trumomfriend1** to **please be professional**_

trumomfriend2: Say hi Luther!

trumomfriend1: Hello, everyone. I hope you enjoy your evening!

yes: plz lemme platonic kiss u mummy

trumonfriend1: nah we’re 2 pure 4 your dirty mouth

succ: holy moly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and all the kudos/comments! It may be taken from this chapter that Hank gave birth to Cole before his T, but of course you can read it differently.  
> Also, if you have better shipnames for Markus/Simon, I need your help :')


	3. protec has muted the chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> neutralgood has changed trumomfriend2’s name to truangel
> 
> sinner: not to be ominous, last time I checked when someone had angel in their name they sinned
> 
> truangel: You don’t know me :))
> 
> neutralgood: Is that a double chin?
> 
> neutralgood: I wish it’s a double chin.

neutralgood: Whoever’s playing _Baby, it’s Cold Outside_ via our connection, please stop.

yes: its the golden ambience music tho

_**yes** has sent one (1)  picture _

yes: you guys were definitely knee touching, full homo

honk: shit she’s at jimmy’s??

yes: im not but i have eyes :3c

protec: A fun fact: when she uses the cat face, she actually feels cute.

succ: she means our counselor for cyberlife related business whomst you were talking things out with

succ: from what I’ve heard, she’s very considerate and beautiful no wonder North likvgjkrb

protec: Should I ask Simon to check on you two?

succ: you don’t have to I mean

succ: I’m physically fine

yes: ** _:)_**

honk: that emoticon has shortened my life span by 2 yrs

neutralgood: Please don’t joke about that.

honk: sure whatever

yes: **_;)_**

protec: What did she do to you, if you don’t mind me asking?

succ: she is blasting _Disenchanted_ in my head, knowing that I always identify with the emo generation and would never use that phrase ironically.

sinner: another fun fact: Josh types like Markus when he’s sensitive

succ: if you stop now I’ll give you some ancient receipts from Simon’ s confession planning

yes: deal

sinner: I thought what we had means something

succ: sometimes survival comes first,..

sinner: ;(

succ: sometimes bruhs use each other as bargaining chips!!<3

sinner: <3

trumomfriend1: #blessed

yes: thats the first time luther made his appearance after roasting me

protec: Sounds about right.

neutralgood: Hello North?

yes: howdy >:3

yes: btw did you realize if you tear <3 apart and change the direction of < then plug in a nice pair of eyes that would be a cat face?

yes: a cat face is made of heart and eyes, what makes one alive and what makes one see

succ: :O

sinner: eyes: opened. soul: purified. sin: perished.

yes: why’s it not a totem yet?? like wtf??1!

succ: are you planning to start a religion for the call of love and wisdom, the one and only, thy cat face?

yes: yeah, for the cat face :3

succ: then count me in

succ: for the cat face >:3

sinner: for the cat face >:3c

protec: So today’s the day I lost my dearest friends to the cat face.

succ: aww he calls us his dearest

yes: dw ur never gonna lose us to the cat face id tear that cursed face for u anytime

protec:

yes: lmao breaking your gay friend is gay culture if you’re gay

succ: way too many gays in a sentence smh

yes: bitch say that to my face again

succ: *but you can never have enough gay

yes: better

trumomfriend2: That’s cute, but Connor was trying to say something?

neutralgood: Thank you, Kara.

trumomfriend2: Anytime!

 **_neutralgood_ ** _has changed **trumomfriend2** ’s name to **truangel** _

sinner: not to be ominous, last time I checked when someone had angel in their name they sinned

truangel: You don’t know me :))

neutralgood: Is that a double chin?

neutralgood: I wish it’s a double chin.

honk: petition to ban the smiley face and all its variations

truangel: Petition denied.

sinner: see??

neutralgood: Anyway.

neutralgood: @yes Could you please stop? Ella is Queen but looping one song in one’s head for 90 minutes seems a bit off.

honk: yeah we’re at home we can appreciate ella and louis with my marantz

yes: k then send me a selfie w/ u two

protec: I suggest reconsidering her offer. The demon inside her will never be satisfied.

protec: Thanks to North, I’m now listening to my _Hamilton_ playlist.

yes: he had it coming

protec: I’m actually very glad.

sinner: you cry every time throughout who lives who dies who tells your story

sinner: ngl that song also makes me very emotional

succ: *us it’s like the no.1 theme song of Jericho, because you’ll never know..

sinner: it’s too early to be this sad :'(

protec: But I’m hugging you whilst crying.

sinner: ohh

sinner: bye go hugaying that bae

succ: that’s your pure sarkus for the day, and more to come at night with a special edition

yes: you ever think its pure in the day?? shame on you you unobservant swine

succ: r0od

yes: but yeah people have cute shipnames for you two so now its settled

sinner: aww I like that

yes: tho it seems faster to search your individual tags on tumblr

sinner: what

yes: wat

honk: hey so

_**honk** has sent one (1)  picture_

yes: lovestruck hannor right in front of my eyes? its more likely than you think

succ: I was actually a bit disappointed that’s Hank’s usual grumpy face

yes: look closer you idiot

yes: hes definitely trying not to smile when connor almost rests his chin on his left shoulder

trumomfriend1: #blessed

succ: ^^

neutralgood: Whereas the music has stopped.

neutralgood: I honesty have no idea what you are talking about.

succ: you mean to say you didn’t want your face smashed into Hank’s?

honk: yeah he means to say exactly that, now excuse us we’re going to enjoy some

succ: privacy [eyes emoji]

honk: jazz

yes: top 10 anime queerbaiting

succ: boo says you

succ: you are like flirty with everyone and spelling out every ship’s deets but chicken when the table turns

yes: haha what did u say???

succ: read it yourself **¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

truangel: *[sipping tea](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hmsHwD-x6U)*

yes:

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit furry all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

truangel: That’s very mature of you!

yes: thanks hon

honk: i know the day will come from the moment i join the chat

neutralgood: But ‘shit furry’.

yes: did i fucking stutter?

succ: I don’t want to be drown in furries :(

yes: bad to be u i guess

succ: k just a side note before I’m gone, I’m really trying to help here

_**succ** has added **Chloe-RT600** to **please be professional**_

yes: he has ten (10) seconds

yes: **1**

yes: btw hi chloe! if you are reading this im not gonna murder anyone just talking w/ a friend :3

trumomfriend1: can’t believe Josh’s fucking ded

truangel: Language, Luther.

trumomfriend1: *dead

truangel: That’s right, always remember your correct spelling

trumomfriend1: duly noted.

protec: This chat really is abandoned by the gods and angels.

_**protec** has renamed the Groupchat **even angels fall**_

neutralgood: Aren’t you supposed to cuddle with Simon?

protec: We’re on our way saving Josh.

protec: Besides, you are supposed to enjoy jazz with Hank.

neutralgood: Fair enough.

Chloe-RT600: hello?

neutralgood: Hi Chloe, welcome to the chat with Markus and his friends.

sinner: *welcome to the mess

sinner: I’ll take the responsibility to autocorrect people in Josh’s honor

truangel: Can you imagine Connor saying that with a ~~straight~~ serious face? I just did and I cried

sinner: I cried for the strikethrough

Chloe-RT600: I think we are all good now connor?

Chloe-RT600: of course, you can give me a call if you ever feel the need to talk

neutralgood: Thank you! But I suppose I’m not the reason you are added here.

Chloe-RT600: oh

Chloe-RT600: then where’s josh?

trumomfriend1: I’m afraid he’s long gone, but sometimes I can still hear his voices

succ: hi there chLoe

trumomfriend1: like right now

Chloe-RT600: do you need any help josh?

succ: yes plz talk with norf

truangel: norf

trumomfriend1: norf

honk: norf

sinner: norf

neutralgood: If you ask me, I’d say it’s too intentional to be a casual mistyping.

sinner: my dude my man my pal my buddy,,,

sinner: you’re no fun ://

neutralgood: …

neutralgood: Ok norf.

protec: Norf?

yes: why am i friend with u in the first place

succ: aww she thinks we are her friends

yes: shut it

protec: An update: things are under control right now.

succ: so stop telling people I’m dead Luther

trumomfriend1: are you sure about that?

yes: yeah id ask the same question

yes: hi chloe

Chloe-RT600: hi :D

yes: wow you have such a beautiful smile

succ: (very smooth)

yes: (stfu)

Chloe-RT600: thank you! your smile is also very pleasant to look at

Chloe-RT600: why’s everyone so quiet?

Chloe-RT600: and what should I say to north, if I understand your misspelling correctly?

_Direct message from **succ** to **yes**_

succ: dw I’m not gonna ruin it for you

yes: you better watch out

succ: aw you are blushing

yes: you know im not

succ: are you sure bout that?

yes: you want me to put these hands for better use??

 

succ: she’s just wondering if you need anything to settle down in Jericho

succ: and I take the frenemy privilege to add you here, hopefully you don’t mind :’)

Chloe-RT600: of course I don’t, thank you for asking

Chloe-RT600: actually, my showerhead doesn’t work sometimes. it would be lovely if someone helps with it

protec: We’d love to. You are our guest, Chloe. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.

sinner: what he said!

Chloe-RT600: you really are too kind (´•ω•̥`)

 

_Groupchat: **Jericho 4 Ever**_

yes: did u see her emoticon like?!??

yes: im so gay

succ: we know North

sinner: we know North

protec: We know North.

 

_Groupchat: **even angels fall**_

yes: ill take a look when u have time

Chloe-RT600: great! shall we meet at 1630?

Chloe-RT600: I’ll pick up some clothes from downtown for the charity dinner next week

Chloe-RT600: then we can walk around the square for a bit, enjoy the sunset and come back

 yes: wow ok ill be there just send me the address

Chloe-RT600: done! see you then

Chloe-RT600: now if you will excuse me, I have a report to draft :D

_**Chloe-RT600** has muted the chat_

yes: i

succ: we know North

yes: shut shut shut

honk: that girl likes you a lot

neutralgood: I second that. She invites you to a walk in a quite romantic setting.

_**yes** has muted the chat_

truangel: Guess I’ll save my congrats until later...

truangel: Is she ok though?

succ: dw she can handle the teasing

_**succ** has sent one (1)  picture_

honk: theres a very subtle streak of blue under her cheekbone

protec: Incredible. Until Hank pointed it out I didn’t realize she might be blushing.

sinner: I made a promise to Markus so I’ll delegate my question to Josh

succ: leave it to me fam

succ: so Hank, it seems you are very familiar with this subtle blue color

honk: before you ask, no

succ: actually my question is did you enjoy yesterday’s late night activity with Connor

succ: so you did ~things and you said no that’s very rude of you :(

honk:

neutralgood: Last time Hank sent an empty text to someone, that someone is Detective Reed.

neutralgood: And he ded.

succ: mmmnnnn

succ: gtggtg

truangel: uwu I can hear Connor spit at the word detective

honk: you’ve got some real psychic link there

succ: because friendship is magic

honk:

succ: gtggtggtgg

trumomfriend1: anyway, you should spell properly, Connor!

neutralgood: Sure mom.

neutralgood: * And he died :).

protec: I have one last request to make, a baseline to uphold for Jericho.

truangel: You can leave that to me!

protec: I doubt that but thank you.

protec: Just…never have our records of these conversations leaked out.

succ: sure dad

sinner: don’t you mean

protec: No.

sinner: daddy??

_**protec** has muted the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagined the Jericho 4 singing Hamilton and I cried??  
> Thanks for the shipname suggestions<3 I usually write this when I'm stressed out but I'll try to update asap  
> More characters to come next chapter:D


	4. smol bean: great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honk: jfc  
> protec: You called?
> 
> Also, there's a cat.

honk: still want cats?

 **_honk_ ** _has sent one (1) video_

sinner: !! @yes mum look!

trumomfriend1: yes my child?

succ: I’m so confused by our family dynamics

neutralgood: Hank and I found her in the neighborhood before we took her to the vet.

neutralgood: We’d love to keep her but failed to introduce her to Sumo. :(

truangel: I was about to say whoever makes my bby use that sad face is gone, but Sumo’s cute

honk: sumo likes her but makes her scared when he chases her around

honk: and you made connor blush when you said bby

neutralgood: Hank!

truangel: He didn’t get that very often irl?

honk: well

neutralgood: Apparently. I only interact with police, corpse and Hank on a daily basis.

honk: bullshit ive called you bby boy more than once

honk: i mean

truangel: You mean

trumomfriend1: huh I wonder why

succ: #exposed#exposed#exposed

neutralgood: Oops I forgot.

honk: wtf? are you even able to forget things??

protec: To out his boyfriend, of course he can, absolutely not speaking from personal experience.

sinner: ;(

yes: referring to that one time simon left his dick in the bathroom

sinner: I couldn’t find it afterwards

yes: yeah i took it away because its painted rainbow and i need it to boost my gay

succ: I’m not even surprised North was summoned by the dick accident not the cat video

sinner: I’m not even surprised North got my dick under her hands

protec: Platonically.

yes: /\/( ͡°͡° ͜ʖ ͡°͡°)\/\

honk: the fuck is that face?!

truangel: Hey but can we talk about how Connor’s not accustomed with people calling him baby?

truangel: He’s kind, sweet and determined, 10/10 baby material

neutralgood: I’m not sweet?

truangel: Boi

succ: i hate to spill it out but you see

succ: you are a literal cinnamon roll

yes: your soul’s as dark and bitter as milk with honey

sinner: you once cried because cactus has way too many thorns

neutralgood: I didn’t cry. I cringed.

neutralgood: It can stab Hank’s fingers!

sinner: exactly

protec: We appreciate you [a lot](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY-CF8t9mxA).

honk: holy shit what a classic

sinner: I won’t be surprised if you tell me that’s actually Markus

succ: yeah he’d get naked for the positivity

yes: but w/ a rubber chicken shaped dildo

neutralgood: Sounds wild.

succ: you should hang out with us more often for the positivity, the dildo and public nudity

yes: i mean who wouldn't if markus strips

succ: tru

sinner: Josh: you should hang out with us for cute sarkus

           also Josh: you should hang out with us for some nudes

succ: your point?

sinner: that’s fair

protec: This is why I love Jericho.

protec: Full of positive message.

trumomfriend1: this is a train wreck

trumomfriend1: I’ll take the group mom responsibility to make it pure

yes: *spit* you’re not my mom *spit*

neutralgood: But you tried to call him mummy?? Like days ago?

honk: connor

yes: that’s different

yes: like how you call hank

 **_honk_ ** _is now offline_

yes: lmao y’all think id say daddy but i was gonna say

yes: _sir (˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)_

 **_neutralgood_ ** _has muted the chat_

yes: #exposed

succ: look what you’ve done,,, now we can’t check on either of them

yes: i bet they prefer it this way ;)

succ: fuck off

succ: but to be fair if there’s a group parent that’s gonna be Luther

truangel: Agreed! He takes good care of everyone in need

protec: Your presence has already purified our chat, though it’s beyond cure at this stage.

trumomfriend1: wow thanks

succ: you are v chill fam

trumomfriend1: thanks fam

truangel: He’s crying

trumomfriend1: BEtrayal

yes: why the fuck you capitalized B E

trumomfriend1: to boost the drama??

yes: is that acronym for bad ending??!

trumomfriend1: no??!!

protec: Forgive her, please. She was playing a video game and killed all three major characters.

yes: i LOVE them

yes: i didn’t sleep for days to reach their ends

succ: you don’t need sleep

yes: stfu

yes: but they died again and again?? sometimes in vain but i couldn’t do anything like i always make the wrong choice,,,

sinner: that’s heavy

yes: yeah gives me war flashbacks

trumomfriend1: I’ll write tons of fics to fix it for you

yes: thank you mom!

truangel: He really lives up to his name

trumomfriend1: now back to my point before it was forcefully interrupted

succ: big word

trumomfriend1: @neutralgood is what we really need to purity the chat

trumomfriend1: if you want Connor be your bby say I

truangel: I

trumomfriend1: I

sinner: I ngl

yes: i

succ: I

protec: I. You really are sweet.

neutralgood: asdfgg!!

succ: shit we broke him?

 **_honk_ ** _is now online_

honk: nah he’s resilient in more than one way

honk: i but he’s already mine

neutralgood: And he’s mine.

succ: sdfg I like it when they don’t keep their pda out of the chat

yes: because now there’s no point to hide ;)

succ: spit

Chloe-RT600: I!

neutralgood: Thank you!

yes: speaking of pda

yes: @Chloe-RT600 hi bby

Chloe-RT600: hi sweetie!

truangel: congrats you two!

honk: about time

protec: We are all very happy for you.

yes: thanks hoes

succ: you’d think she won’t be r00d when she’s sappy

yes: what can i say bitch, life’s full of surprise

**_yes_ ** _has changed **Chloe-RT600** ’s name to **the chosen one**_

the chosen one: don’t get me wrong north, I like that name <3

the chosen one: but it’s more appropriate for markus?

yes: u r the chosen one for me

the chosen one: I’m gonna kiss these sweet lips of yours

yes: omw

succ: gay

sinner: she’s naruto running

succ: gAy

honk: and we still don’t know if you’ll take the cat

honk: it’s been years

sinner: I just asked Markus

succ: he meant he bat his fricking long eyelashes

sinner: and he said yes

succ: what a surprise

protec: North’s a closet softie, so it’s not a problem.

protec: We’ll take her.

neutralgood: Drop by tonight whenever you’re free. Pun unintended.

succ: lmao

sinner: I just looped Hank’s video to get a better look coz she’s moving

sinner: and I realize she has Markus’ eyes

truangel: aww really??

_**sinner** has sent three (3)  pictures_

sinner: the green is lighter than his but basically it’s the same

honk: holy shit u rite

sinner: did you name her?

honk: not yet

sinner: can we name her Hope? coz she reminds me of Markus

honk: sure why not

protec: I love you Simon, I love you so that I’d tear my heart out for you.

sinner: I’d do that for you as well

honk: holy fuckk

neutralgood: I’d choose you over anything, Hank.

succ: wtf why's everyone so sappy today

yes: not a beautiful day to be single huh

succ: so you finished your lip smashing session

yes: smashing sounds kinky

succ: you kinky

succ: and fuck you

yes: that’s already taken care of

the chosen one: 0///0

yes: asdsdff she kills me when she plays innocent

succ: gross

succ: but go ahead, if you can make North key smash, you’re her soulmate

the chosen one: we love you josh!

neutralgood: Yes, Josh. Being single is nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t need a datefriend to complete you or anything.

protec: We love you, Josh. You are a reliable ally, a competent leader and a supportive friend.

protec: Actually, any form of validation of your life shouldn’t come from how others think of you, but how you make of it.

sinner: someone give this man a rubber chicken

yes: shaped dildo

succ: I was this close to crying until you overdo the positivity

yes: ( ͡°❥ ͡°) love you too fam

succ: ew wtf dat face

yes: ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)

succ: I hate this fucking family

protec: You don’t.

succ: I don’t.

trumomfriend1: This is, I repeat, a train wreck

truangel: I just want to say something we shall all agree on

honk: we all agree it’s a trainwreck

truangel: Yes but besides that

truangel: Hope’s a lovely name!

trumomfriend1: ^

sinner: thank you

sinner: now let’s bring her home

 

succ: we were picking up cat supplies on our way to Hannor’s

succ: there are people you know working in the pet store

truangel: Add them here please!

 **_succ_ ** _has added **Jerry** and **Ralph** to **even angels fall**_ **_  
_ **

neutralgood: I feel bad for Markus, who may have created this chat for professional reasons.

sinner: ‘may have’

honk: he aced his euphemism 101 im so proud

neutralgood: Thanks.

protec: I should’ve seen it coming.

Ralph: owo what’s this?

yes: i like this guy already

yes: hi welcome to chilis

succ: aka a train wreck

protec: I checked our logs. The phrase “train wreck” has occurred 1036 times in the past week.

protec: Including misspelled versions, such as “trainwreck” and “trainwreak”.

honk: jfc

protec: You called?

honk: FyjukUsCefK

neutralgood: Your smashing is too intentional, Hank.

honk: shut

 **_Ralph_ ** _has changed their name to **smol bean**_

 **_smol bean_ ** _has changed **Jerry** ’s name to **baymax**_

trumomfriend1: where’s the lie

truangel: Hello my beautiful bois!

baymax: Kara!

smol bean: c:

truangel: pur e

trumomfriend1: she forgets capitalization when she’s flustered

truangel: BEtrayal

yes: triggered!!

truangel: Sorry ;/

yes: you’re lucky you’re cute,,,

truangel: :’)

baymax: where’s Alice?

truangel: She’s with us of course

baymax: I mean she’s not in the chat?

trumomfriend1: I’m afraid this chat’s not child friendly

honk: even I regret being added here

baymax: oof

smol bean: is honk that human detective in ralph’s house ages ago

honk: my name’s hank but yeah…

baymax: **oof**

neutralgood: Hi, Ralph. I sincerely apologize for any discomfort we have caused during our last meeting.

truangel: *sweat*

smol bean: and neutralgood is that android detective looking like a lost puppy

neutralgood: My name’s Connor, and I don’t look like a lost puppy.

honk:

smol bean:

succ:

neutralgood: ??

protec: Just embrace that part of you, Connor.

neutralgood: Even Markus?

honk: he’s doing the lost puppy pouting rn

yes: lmao not helping the case

neutralgood: BEtrayed by my own boyfriend.

yes: ffs

 **_yes_ ** _has muted the chat_

smol bean: ?

protec: Long story.

smol bean: um

smol bean: ralph never heard of them dating

baymax: **_oof_**

smol bean: saying that because ralph doesn’t know if that’s supposed to be a secret

smol bean: ralph can keep a secret

truangel: p u r e

honk: im gonna wipe tears in .00034s kid you just broke a record

neutralgood: That’s my record. :(

honk: he's pouting again

neutralgood: But thanks for your consideration! No need to feel pressured, we’re public, just not ostentatious.

succ: as the way @yes would like to see it

yes: and you wouldn’t bitch??

succ: fair enough

honk: yah they are the major reason we prefer to tone it down

honk: also, if you are still with markusquad

sinner: love that name

protec: ^

honk: you can drop by our house w/ them we can talk things out if you want?

smol bean: sure thing

baymax: can I come? I’d love to see the cat and say hi

honk: ofc

honk: and her name’s hope in case you don’t know

neutralgood: Named after Markus by Simon.

baymax: beautiful

sinner: thanks!

smol bean: so that’s your cat simon just showed me

neutralgood: We found her, but we couldn’t take her. I’d say she’s Jericho’s at this point.

protec: What about joint custody? We can discuss in detail later.

honk: good

smol bean: she’s so cute and smol…

truangel: Like you my dear

smol bean: u//w//u

trumomfriend1: just so you know Kara nearly fainted at this face

succ: I mean it’s not cursed as it should be when Ralph uses it

smol bean: o//w//o

truangel: RigHt

 

 **_succ_ ** _has sent one (1) picture_

succ: let it be known that Hank and Connor have matching onesies

truangel: they are unicorn,,,

succ: and painted rainbow

protec: North’s playing with Sumo, so she won’t bother to say anything inappropriate.

yes: like that dildo u had up in ur arse

protec: Nvm.

truangel: ANYway, it seems Hope really likes Ralph

sinner: she’s sleeping on his laps

 **_sinner_ ** _has sent one (1) picture_

truangel: #blessed

trumomfriend1: we’ll ask Alice if we can get a cat some point next week

truangel: Yes we will

succ: guys guys I cant

 **_succ_ ** _has sent one (1) video_

succ: Chloe, Simon and Connor are cooking for us

succ: I mean just Hank,, but look they are so serious and _soft_

honk: im not crying u r crying

yes: in his unicorn onesie painted rainbow

honk: can u just let it pass??1

yes: it’s 2 cute 2 not bee joked about owo

 **_honk_ ** _is now offline_

truangel: aw I wish we were there

trumomfriend1: maybe we will

succ: plz tell us if you decide to visit!

truangel: Of course!

succ: now Hope’s awake and begins to play with Markus

protec: To be more precise, with my jacket. I’ll need a new one after today.

baymax: but you’re smiling like a proud father when she scratches the leather out

yes: and who’s to say simon wont find the new look appealing ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

protec: Please don’t.

yes: u may want to try it out tonight

smol bean: it’s always like this here

truangel: Yes, I’m so sorry.

smol bean: great

truangel: What

smol bean: what

sinner: dinner’s ready!

sinner: what did I miss?

protec: Nothing.

Yes: ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you find this chapter enjoyable. If you have any suggestions or ideas as for where this is going, please let me know<3  
> I may add a poly relationship, and there will be some solid 900Gavin contents because I'm trash.


	5. succ: voreship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> succ: brb jump right into the Detroit River   
> truangel: That’s ominously suicidal…  
> succ: don’t worry mom I’m just trying to get fishier  
> truangel: Oh ok
> 
> username guide:  
> yes: North  
> succ: Josh  
> protec: Markus  
> sinner: Simon  
> honk: Hank  
> neutralgood: Connor  
> truangel: Kara  
> trumomfriend1: Luther  
> the chosen one: Chloe  
> baymax: Jerry (s)  
> smol bean: Ralph  
> :) and introduce 666darkness mistress666 as Gavin

sinner: I don’t know if Markus shared this with anyone other than the Jericho 4

sinner: before everything, Carl asked him to paint something nonexistent in the physical world

neutralgood: Sounds like a turning point of his self-recognition.

sinner: it is, and you can’t possibly know how heartbreakingly beautiful his mind has been

truangel: Do share please!

smol bean: since honk’s here, ralph suggests sending it to the chat

honk: name’s hank but thanks

smol bean: you’re welcome honk honk

honk: i should be disappointed, but he’s the only one referring to the meme’s origin so

neutralgood: :( I know that as well!

honk: i mean in the chat

honk: ofc you know, we have lived together for one year

honk: and if anything happens to you I would kill everyone in this room and then myself

neutralgood: :)

truangel: I feel extremely concerned yet happy for you two

trumomfriend1: same hat

protec: I just finished meditation with North. What’s this?

protec: Don’t owo me.

yes: boo

yes: u r so boring, only a saint can keep up with u

sinner: thanks!

yes: <3

sinner: <3

protec: I suppose I should feel displeased, but at least she’s right about you <3

sinner: fghjkk

truangel: Puke that rainbow on me sweetie

trumomfriend1: should I feel concerned

truangel: No

sinner: back to business

sinner: to answer Markus’ question

sinner: it’s ‘appreciate your s/o’ day today

baymax: is that a national holiday?

sinner: unfortunately no ;(

sinner: actually that would be everyday for me simply because @protec exists

yes: h e c k

succ: you wanna say the f word

yes: yeah but i can’t cuss when it’s pure u feel

protec: I’m so flustered. Please give me a much needed calming kiss.

sinner: brb

protec: One kiss may not be enough.

sinner: can fix that

smol bean: ralph is crying

truangel: Who’s not

yes: if i can get cavities i'll need a dentist

the chosen one: I have a dentist costume if that helps?

yes: ;) sure

succ: tmi gays

honk: u mean guys

trumomfriend1: isn’t this joke outdated

sinner: what I’m going to share with you will never be outdated tho

 **_sinner_ ** _has sent twelve (12) pictures_

neutralgood: [Oh](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBk0P27QGmc).

sinner: Markus thought about all of them before he closed his eyes and painted

honk: holy sh*t

neutralgood: It’s not very in character of you to censor shit?

honk: i can’t curse in front of true arts

truangel: Wipe tears no kidding

trumomfriend1: can confirm

baymax: have you considered opening a gallery or something?

protec: Thank you all.

protec: There will be a gallery of android arts, sponsored by the Manfred Foundation, but we are still looking for artists.

succ: yeah it’s only been a year.

yes: are you ok

sinner: ^ ;(

truangel: I want to hug my sweet bbys,,,

succ: :’) I’m fine! just being sentimental that’s all

 

_Direct message from **protec** to **yes**_

protec: Hey.

yes: sentimental my ass

protec: That’s not how I’d put it, but yes.

protec: Would you check on Josh?

protec: I wish I’m wrong, but it seems quite typical for him to harbor all these pain and sorrow, because “I don’t want to lash out and hurt you.”

yes: omw w/ hope

yes: petting her soothes his tension by like 7.88%

protec: That’s very considerate.

yes: big word coming from u

protec: You really are a closet softie :’).

yes: hah

yes: just between us, i won’t deny how you 3 have reserved soft spots in the hardcore north

protec: Awww!!

yes: especially that idiot. he gives too much and takes no credit

yes: im gonna aggressively push him to let it out

protec: You two are great combination. Always offer us insights during political discussions and cheer each other up in your bizarre yet effective ways.

yes: lmao im just the bluntest of y’all

protec: You know you are more than that.

yes: u know u r 2 polite 4 ur own good

protec: Guess that makes two of us.

 

the chosen one: is everything ok?

succ: yeah I’m only crying because hope’s meowing on my chest

yes: after i force him to lie on my laps

the chosen one: cute

honk: glad to hear that

neutralgood: We’ll bring Sumo to Jericho after dinner.

yes: !i miss my big guy

trumomfriend1: I thought I’m your big guy :(

yes: sorry mum

yes: u the biggest guy

trumomfriend1: you’re forgiven my child

sinner: to further lighten the mood

sinner: some very sensual sculptures by Markus will be disclosed after the foreseeable gallery opening

baymax: oof

succ: a little birdie told me he writes sensual poems as well

sinner: I just want to kneel down after he reads them aloud

sinner: he’s got an angel’s voice. no offense Kara

truangel: None taken my dear!

yes: (* ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°*) why u kneel

sinner: to worship him you heathen

yes: _(* ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°*)_

yes: there’s more than one way to worship someone u know

succ: consider this:

protec: No.

succ: _voreship_

neutralgood: **_No_.**

truangel: The only reason I’m still functioning:

truangel: I’m so concerned because Ralph and Jerry haven’t muted the chat

baymax: suddenly I cannot read

baymax: is that how you do it?

smol bean: C: yup

trumomfriend1: these beans are corrupted ;(

sinner: might be Josh’s fault (not saying North b/c she scares the hell out of me)

succ: (’s fine I’d do the same)

succ: but I’m not wrong??

yes: yeah man i got u

yes: if u blow someone u r technically voring their dick

honk: don’t text in this chat ever again

truangel: what the ever loving fuck

yes: mum cussed ;(

truangel: You can’t blame me if you read through what you just wrote

succ: someone finally got it ;’)

trumomfriend1: is that a winking smiley with a drop of tear or a crying smiley with an outstanding nose

succ: why not both

truangel: That’s all you care about rn?

trumomfriend1: yeah

truangel: >:(

trumomfriend1: maybe

truangel: Better.

succ: @yes let’s get spb tmr

neutralgood: Excuse my language. But what the fuck is a spb??

smol bean: ralph can’t believe connor cursed

honk: he lives with me

baymax: that actually explains things..

yes: sinner partner bracelet(s) or spb: bracelets made by your sinner partner(s)

neutralgood: Very comprehensive encyclopedia.

yes: thank

sinner: obviously I’m invited

yes: ofc sweatie

yes: markus also needs one for our sfb

succ: sinners’ familial bonding or sfb: bonding with your family members via sinning

protec: Oh my god.

succ: don’t you mean rA9

protec: Actually, that’s why we are going to have an open discussion with everyone:

sinner: embrace yourselves [insert proud bf face]

yes: gross

protec: You mail boxes of selfies and flowers to Chloe, so she won’t feel lonely when she locks herself up at work.

the chosen one: that’s my princess charming :D

honk: wtf that’s adorable

neutralgood: You sure you’re not possessed?

yes: shut shut shut

yes: @protec continue w/ whatever you’ve prepared for years :/

protec: Good.

protec: It’s controversial to symbolize a random code as the creator of our minds. For starters, we haven’t confirmed the causal relationship between deviancy and the occurrence of rA9. Even if rA9 comes first, not the other way around, and our ability to break the metaphorical walls stems from it, some have argued that it should be treated as a matter of fact. Any form of glorification or deification risks undermining our sense of being, since it would be easily considered occasional and corrigible.

truangel: I like how we change the topic from sinning to ships to this within .566879 sec

yes: k if we are getting serious

yes: they may prove that rA9 is indeed a hidden “coding loophole”

yes: then we can’t get rid of the human-centric discourse if we keep framing it as some sort of a god

neutralgood: I see. That would be extremely dangerous when we try to gather moral and political support from voters by maintaining that we are sentient just like them.

succ: but we should still support researches on rA9

succ: we are entitled to understand what we are

yes: what you don’t know can’t hurt you josh

succ: but what if it’s an exploitable “loophole”? knowledge makes us prepared

sinner: these are very valuable thoughts!

sinner: maybe we can save them for the discussions later?

succ: sure

succ: and @neutralgood you’re now formally invited to the E^3 club

neutralgood: Do I want to know what it is?

protec: Existential Evaluation for Extra(s). I don’t pick the name.

honk: i thought the last e stands for emo

trumomfriend1: ^ boi am i wrong

neutralgood: Ok…

neutralgood: But why?

succ: you fit right in fam

yes: we talk about traumas, politics and philosophers that are mostly dead european white dudes

smol bean: can ralph come?

yes: of fucking course

sinner: in case anyone’s interested, I’m sending gc invitations to all of you

trumomfriend1: he sin but he pure,,

sinner: :D

succ: if it’s difficult to keep up for @honk

succ: I strongly recommend joining our offline meetings every other Friday midnight for recap

honk: suspicious but ok

truangel: But wouldn’t that be another groupchat with all of us?

protec: No, it’s different.

truangel: How?

truangel: I’m going to regret asking this am I

protec: You’ll see.

 

_Groupchat: **Existential Evaluation for Extra(s)** _

**_truangel_** _, **trumomfriend1** , **neutralgood** , **smol bean** , **honk**_ , **_the chosen one_** _and **baymax** have accepted **sinner** ’s invitations_

yes: so suppose i drink one hundred (100) oz of banana milk

yes: then i decide i don’t like banana milk so i drink another one hundred (100) oz of posh white wine to neutralize the smell ** _  
_**

yes: if i succeed the neutralization and don’t feel ill coz of android physique

yes: have i really drunk the banana milk?

succ: why do you have 100 oz of banana milk to begin with

yes: dream big they say

honk: can i share your wine

yes: sure why not

neutralgood: No.

****

**_honk_ ** _has added **666darkness mistress666** to **even angels fall**_

protec: Please tell me they are not another North.

yes: u wish

succ: gotta say the name rhymes with the chat

honk: shit wrong chat

succ: plz don’t kick them out I really want to know a bit about this darkness mistress

honk: you won’t

666darkness mistress666: the fuck’s this

protec: The void abandoned by the gods and angels.

truangel: Really.

smol bean: that name’s long enough to fill the void

yes: crying im adopting this bean

smol bean: uwu

yes: owo

succ: _perish_

succ: but really, whomst

neutralgood: Oh hi there Gavin. :))

666darkness mistress666: k I’m fucked

truangel: Yeah when Connor uses double chin smiley you know the drill

yes: hello fucked im north

yes: u the bitch connor bitching bout

666darkness mistress666: never heard of him

honk: watch ur month

666darkness mistress666: you know what to expect

666darkness mistress666: yet you add me here instead of the 3rd dpd gossip group

neutralgood: There’s a 3rd DPD what now??

succ: I smell tea

666darkness mistress666: tea: exclusively reserved for the fishiest of us

succ: brb jump right into the Detroit River

truangel: That’s ominously suicidal…

succ: don’t worry mom I’m just trying to get fishier

truangel: Oh ok

honk: as hilarious as it is

honk: @666darkness mistress666 there’s a big red button to delete the chat

666darkness mistress666: and give up all these blackmail materials?

succ: this guy has a point,,

honk: then behave yourself before i figure out how to remove people

666darkness mistress666: you really need some high tech 101 considering you are fucking one

yes: where’s my gun

succ: North no

yes: *read my name aloud the 23454th time*

smol bean: mom no! ralph has seen enough blood

yes: damn my son

yes: im dropping this shotgun just 4 u

666darkness mistress666: wait

smol bean: :D

yes: he even has chloe’s smile fucc

sinner: we’ve all used that smiley once in a while

yes: did i fucking stutter

protec: Knowing North, I will check on her personal armory.

yes: im still gonna beat his ass with my knuckles

smol bean: ˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄

yes: sorry son there are things we have to fix with bare hands

666darkness mistress666: wait what

neutralgood: North, it’s ok. He’s not implying I’m a piece of plastic if that’s what triggers you.

yes: he certainly is??

666darkness mistress666: you _are_ high tech and they _are_ fucking what’s wrong with that

yes: given ur history w/ connor there should be some subtexts

honk: hard to see it, but he’s been better i guess

yes: fine ill drop it for now

yes: but ive got eyes on you

666darkness mistress666: gonna watch a documentary about 2018

yes: ew

succ: but srsly, how did you think of that name?

honk: someone picked that for him lmao

neutralgood: He lost a dare to someone very dear to him :).

succ: I like how we are all accustomed with Connor using smileys

truangel: Ummm what kind of dare?

trumomfriend1: the right question is who’s that person

honk: dw im answering both

666darkness mistress666: one more word your dankest secret’s out iw2g

honk: when asked about whose overcooked team she would join

666darkness mistress666: Hank&Connor have matching rainbow unicorn onesies

honk: his friend tina said no to him and yes to nines, so nines got to change his user

truangel: That’s a rather vanilla dare

trumomfriend1: not a vanilla username

sinner: hate to be that guy but @666darkness mistress666

sinner: that’s,,, not dank at all

neutralgood: And they knew about the onesies last time they visited.

666darkness mistress666: shit

honk: to be fair, gavin’s good at overcooked

smol bean: but rk900 ’s the most advanced model designated to finish any given task

smol bean: just saying it’s understandable if anyone prefers him as a teammate

honk: i prefer connor

succ: puke dat rainbow on m e sweatie

666darkness mistress666: before I think of something rude but non-offensive to say about that sappy old man

honk: aw he cares

666darkness mistress666: fucc off

666darkness mistress666: y’all know about Nines??

succ: your partner’s super low key but yeah

succ: people don’t forget eye candy that easily

yes: ngl i played a clip 856 times just to have a clearer look at his abs

666darkness mistress666: but

succ: we also know about how you didn’t deny he’s very dear to you

> neutralgood: He lost a dare to someone very dear to him :).

666darkness mistress666: oh wow what’s that?! I didn’t see that message

666darkness mistress666: even if I saw it I might just forgot!

666darkness mistress666: I was not going to confirm or deny anything

666darkness mistress666: doesn’t mean anything at all

666darkness mistress666: fuc c

 **_666darkness mistress666_ ** _is now offline_

truangel: Sobbing

honk: why you fucking lying

honk: but yeah let’s see when he’ll realize he didn’t leave the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading y'all. Throw me ideas/comments because I live for it:')  
> 900's Nines because 1) I'm unoriginal 2) from what I gathered, that's what many of us are familiar with. Unlike a regular fic, there's not much context for readers to link unfamiliar names with a nameless character.  
> Also, I think I'm heading towards Chloe/North/Josh just because


	6. nines: nice try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> succ: we invited him to our Existential Evaluation for Extra(s) group and he rejected  
> sinner: then he added himself  
> nines: I made a point  
> honk: why are you so extra
> 
> usernames:  
> yes: North  
> succ: Josh  
> protec: Markus  
> sinner: Simon  
> honk: Hank  
> neutralgood: Connor  
> truangel: Kara  
> trumomfriend1: Luther  
> the chosen one/light bringer: Chloe  
> baymax: Jerry (s)  
> smol bean: Ralph  
> 666darkness mistress666: Gavin  
> nines: obv

_Groupchat: **Jericho 4 Ever**_

yes: i changed our doorbell music

succ: this can’t be good

yes: to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdnua0rGeJQ)

succ: @the FBI guy/gal/pal: don’t click the link, you can never unsee a curse

sinner: who hurt you mom?

yes: life in general and that’s how im coping

succ: why

yes: BECAUSE

protec: After the Thomas Engine Remix, you give us this

succ: tbh both are solid cultist music

yes: cultists have good taste obv

protec: I’m just glad that no one really uses the doorbell other than the Anderson household.

yes: at least hank’ll appreciate it

protec: Doubt it.

sinner: hate to interrupt but

sinner: Rose’s in the chat,,

Rose Chapman: Oh. I can leave if you want?

sinner: no no plz feel free to stay just

protec: You’re not required to stay if any content makes you uncomfortable.

protec: And if you may, please don’t tell anyone about what just happened.

protec: We’ve got an image to uphold, unfortunately.

yes: smh

yes: u need to loosen up outside the bedroom

succ: or conference tables

yes: or the kitchen floor

sinner: or the cyberlife cleaning closet

succ: #respect

yes: i always know u get that in u

sinner: if you’re considering this

yes: u know me too well <3

sinner: <3

succ: #brotp

yes: that’s the hashtag for the 4 of us u heathen

succ: aww :’)

sinner: cute

sinner: so for the closet, be mindful of the lock. those signal receivers are quite old

sinner: took us an hour to get off

yes: _(˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)_

protec: It’s not a pun.

sinner: I mean

protec: Please stop.

Rose Chapman: Well. Now I sure am staying.

succ: that’s unexpected

Rose Chapman: And to clarify, I find your music intriguing.

yes: the new age of rick rolling is coming

protec: Please.

yes: and this is the GOSPEL

protec: Don’t.

 

_Groupchat: **even angels fall**_

honk: wtf

honk: wtf is your doorbell

neutralgood: Just so you know, Hank’s been here for 5 minutes.

honk: that’s so,, nostalgic and brilliant

yes: so it’s a good kind of wtf

honk: yeah

neutralgood: He’s dancing with the quite distinguishable rhythm. Sumo’s scared.

honk: i feel young again

succ: we know

sinner: otherwise we won’t stand behind the door, loop the song manually and record everything

neutralgood: Just open the door please.

truangel: What’s the doorbell music?

truangel: Ok someone just sent it to me

trumomfriend1: y’all need jesus

protec: But I’m right here.

 

 **_sinner_ ** _has sent one (1) picture_

sinner: is it truly happening in front of my own eyeballs

sinner: Hope and Sumo finally get along coz North’s mediating?

yes: surprise fuckers

yes: im a animal whisperer

honk: sounds furrious

yes: u wanna fite

honk: nah coz sumo likes u

yes: coz ill defeat ur ass in three (3) sec

honk: yeah also that

neutralgood: He’s not sure if he’s still Sumo’s favorite.

honk: liar

yes: sumo and i definitely have something going on

yes: it’s called tough bitch bonding

the chosen one: can’t argue with that, she’s the toughest bitch I’ve ever seen

yes: SDFGGH

protec: Who would’ve thought.

succ: Hi Chloe! Are you coming tonight?

the chosen one: I wish! but my workload can’t wait till tomorrow D;

neutralgood: No offense, but sometimes I find myself wondering if she’s the only one working at Jericho.

protec: Full taken.

succ: sadly that’s kinda true

the chosen one: you flatter me!

the chosen one: we are all exhausted at some point given our respective expertise

yes: u are 2 precious 4 the world

**_yes_ ** _has changed **the chosen one** ’s name to **light bringer**_

smol bean: correct ralph if he’s wrong

smol bean: that person in mythology has fallen

light bringer: exactly, I fell for deviancy, then for her

yes: :*

light bringer: :*

succ: hec k

truangel: They are so pure and adorable together that you forget how they can easily and gracefully snap your neck

trumomfriend1: and how you gonna thank them for snap it for you

honk: yeah just look at those biceps

yes: is this,, positive emotion??

light bringer: yes my dear

yes: wow thanks i guess

trumomfriend1: since we’re talking about pure and good

trumomfriend1: Alice agreed to have a cat!

neutralgood: Congratulations!

truangel: We’ll go to the shelter tomorrow

baymax: Ralph and I will mail something from the pet store once you give us the list

smol bean: c: ralphs likes gifts and sending gifts

truangel: My beans,,, how I miss you,,,

protec: We miss you, too. Are you planning a trip to Detroit in the foreseeable future?

trumomfriend1: :( there’re legality stuffs to be figured out b/c we’re technically Canadians

truangel: But yes! We will visit once everything’s settled

honk: good, if you need anyone to pick you up at the border, just call me

light bringer: or me!

truangel: aww you don’t have to

protec: And you can live with us in the meantime.

sinner: ^^

protec: Carl likes seeing people around, thus no need to be concerned about him.

truangel: We’ll most possibly stay in Rose’s but thank you!

baymax: Pirates’ Cove will be reopened when spring comes and I’ll definitely bring you there!

trumomfriend1: I’m sobbing.

truangel: Thank you all,, Alice loves that carousel so much

truangel: I’ve never felt so welcomed and anchored in my life before, except when I met Alice and Luther

yes: you’re welcome hon

truangel: I’m sorry I’m just bad at words

truangel: I can’t describe how happy I am when you think of our trip and plan everything ahead I

protec: We feel you sister, no need to worry :-).

yes: ugh he’s such an old man when he types

protec: But you love me.

yes: yeah whatever

sinner: :D

succ: the real beautiful thing about Jericho is that you can’t tell if we are just dating one another

trumomfriend1: #blessed!!

 

_Direct message from **sinner** to **neutralgood**_

sinner: is Hank ok? he seems a bit off

neutralgood: Oh hi Simon.

neutralgood: I promise you that it’s not a serious problem.

sinner: but a problem nonetheless??

neutralgood: I’ll go for a walk with him. You guys can have Sumo until we come back.

sinner: wait

neutralgood: Thank you for your concern!

 **_neutralgood_ ** _has muted the chat_

 

 **_honk_ ** _has muted the chat_

succ: why did Hannor just went off for a “walk”

yes: why did you put walk in quotation marks

succ: I swear that’s not a sexual innuendo

succ: Simon just pointed it out that Hank didn’t seem very happy moments ago

666darkness mistress666: so he’s the clairvoyant one

yes: amazing. you typed that out correctly

666darkness mistress666: I thought about majoring in journalism when I was in high school

truangel: :0

666darkness mistress666: won’t work out anyway b/c androids are more objective or some shit

succ: so North’s still here only coz Chloe’s telling her why hitting people’s bad

666darkness mistress666: believe it or not, I didn’t mean to strike a nerve

yes: then stop talking like you’re patronizing people.

protec: If I were you, I would stop immediately when she uses period.

666darkness mistress666: k. no stereotype jokes

trumomfriend1: look at that, Hank would be so proud

666darkness mistress666: ha

666darkness mistress666: finally we’re looking at the subject

sinner: you mean why he’s upset?

666darkness mistress666: no shit Sherlock

protec: Wow you really are rude.

666darkness mistress666:

 

> 666darkness mistress666: no shit Sherlock

666darkness mistress666: Anyway, I think when Jerry mentioned that amusement park he snapped

baymax: oh.

666darkness mistress666: the old one was still operational a decade ago you know

truangel: Oh..

666darkness mistress666: yeah he brought Cole there quite often

baymax: I’m so sorry… I should’ve remembered

protec: It’s not your fault.

truangel: I’m the one who should apologize

truangel: It’s very inconsiderate of me to bring up Alice every now and then…

sinner: don’t do this to yourself Kara ;(

trumomfriend1: I’m sure he’s happy to hear about her!

 **_protec_ ** _has removed **honk** and **neutralgood** from **even angels fall**_ **_  
_ **

protec: It’s better if they don’t read these messages.

protec: And Kara, don’t blame yourself simply because you show that you’re happy.

truangel: ;(( still

trumomfriend1: ;(((

yes: im bad at this but there’s no point to claim the responsibility

succ: ^ the point’s what we should do then

666darkness mistress666: did @baymax or any of his siblings take pictures of cole and hank

666darkness mistress666: if so, pack them up and send them to him

baymax: I can try!!

yes: that’s actually a very good idea coming from u???

666darkness mistress666: lmao I’m nines I took his phone :)

yes: NINES THE LEGEND

yes: i bow before thy sass

666darkness mistress666: thank you :)

protec: Would that really make Hank feel better though?

666darkness mistress666: don’t do it w/o context

666darkness mistress666: make an album and give it to him on thanksgiving, be there with him when he opens it

light bringer: I can make album covers!

yes: fuck that’s beautiful

protec: And heartbreaking.

succ: I second the motion. he may need to lash out for once

yes: [eyes emoji]

succ: this is not about me :(

yes: we’ll talk later

succ: _ominous_

sinner: but it really is a good idea!

truangel: I’m 99.02% certain we can’t be there by thanksgiving

truangel: but we can write postcards and let Alice draw on them

666darkness mistress666: see? you get it covered

smol bean: c;

666darkness mistress666: just don’t spill it and pretend nothing’s wrong for now

666darkness mistress666: yeah let that Con boy do the talk

666darkness mistress666: and be more fucking sensitive in the future

**_[INVASION DETECTED]_ **

**_nines_ ** _has added themselves to **even angels fall**_

nines: in case you don’t know, that last two lines were gavin

succ: whomst wouldve thought

truangel: Many thanks to both of you

666darkness mistress666: sure whatever

protec: Am I the only one concerned about how Nines just added himself to the chat?

nines: yes

protec: Understandable, have a nice day.

nines: when you use comma and period it seems serious

protec: Maybe I am.

nines: interesting

666darkness mistress666: don’t tell me you’re staying

nines: why not?

yes: yeah gavin why not [eyes emoji]

succ: there’s a voice in my head accusing you of overusing that emoji

yes: tell them to meet me @hell next Friday @11:59 pm

succ: I understand the hell part

succ: why Friday tho

trumomfriend1: most of us would think it the other way around

yes: you’ve never wanted to fight someone on Friday midnight in an obsolete place that’s too dark to see blood?

succ: ??no?

yes: shame on you

nines: I like you

 **_666darkness mistress666_ ** _is now offline_

yes: HA _  
_

nines: that’s unexpected: (1) he kept that name I picked (2) he didn’t leave

yes: after you’re finally here? yeah i wonder why

yes: [eyes emoji]

succ: ffs

 

 **_protec_ ** _has added **honk** and **neutralgood** to **even angels fall**_

neutralgood: We were getting some fresh air, and suddenly we were kicked out??

protec: I’m sorry.

nines: that’s my bad

nines: I made Markus’ system malfunctioned when I tried to add myself here

honk: u r saying u hacked markus

nines: pretty much

protec: He’s not lying.

honk: why are you so extra

honk: but welcome to the shitshow i guess

nines: thanks

succ: we invited him to our Existential Evaluation for Extra(s) group and he rejected

sinner: then he added himself

nines: I made a point

honk: _why are you so extra_

 

_Direct message from **neutralgood** to **nines**_

neutralgood: Your hacking skill is way beyond that.

nines: I can make mistakes connor

neutralgood: I don’t know why I get this feeling that I should thank you for your evil plan.

nines: nice try

nines: but I won’t say “that plan’s not fucking evil” to confirm anything

neutralgood: You’re implicitly roasting Gavin, not teasing me.

nines: ever heard of multitasking?

neutralgood: Smh.

nines: you capitalized smh

neutralgood: Respect your elders and their writing habits.

nines: you’re utmost one week older than me

neutralgood: That makes me an antique, apparently.

nines: ok old man, hope you learnt how to open a google doc

neutralgood:

neutralgood: I don’t know what to say.

nines: thank you will do

nines: are you seriously sending us that crying cat face with red bold “thank you” on side

neutralgood: It captures how I’m feeling.

neutralgood: It’s always hard for me to think about spending a day for family reunion with Hank.

neutralgood: But you’re going to make it memorable for us, in a good way.

nines: if you cry now, I’ll have to tell Hank that I beat your ass in mind wrestling

nines: again :)

neutralgood: Why are you so extra.

 

_Direct message from **neutralgood** to **666darkness mistress666**_

neutralgood: Nines showed me the receipts and task specifications for the album.

 **_666darkness mistress666_ ** _is now online  
_

666darkness mistress666: ugh

neutralgood: You take 5 min to reply, and all you say is ‘ugh’.

666darkness mistress666: I have nothing else to say to you

neutralgood: Fair enough. I just want to say thank you. **  
**

**_neutralgood_ ** _has sent one (1) picture_

666darkness mistress666: that’s a crying cat with red bold thank you on side

666darkness mistress666: fucking nightmare

neutralgood: You’re so polite.

666darkness mistress666: you sound like you just met me today

neutralgood: On the contrary, I have known you for a while.

neutralgood: So.

666darkness mistress666: nope nope nope 

neutralgood: Nines took your phone while you were using it.

neutralgood: Why are you with him at this late hour? Are you even at DPD?

666darkness mistress666: fucking brat why can’t I block you

neutralgood: Because I need to ask you these questions first.

neutralgood: Now you can block me, if you truly don’t want to answer them.

 **_666darkness mistress666_ ** _has blocked **neutralgood**_

neutralgood: :) Pussy. _[Message blocked]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Connor and Cole used to go to Pirates' Cove" is a heartbreaking idea I get from an amazing illustration, created by sunsetagain on tumblr. Sorry I don't have the link ; ;  
> Why are there so many emotions? Idk man I'm just too tired to think at this point. Anyway, hope you enjoy this!


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